What do many couples fight about when it comes to money? Most of the time, they have different money personalities, like when one is a saver while the other is a spender, or one is a budget control freak while the other is blissfully indifferent (or, worse, is also a control freak!). Another major cause of conflict is when they act like they’re still single, spending their own income however they want (especially if they’re earning more) or hiding purchases from their spouse.
You see, there’s more to money problems than money. It’s often an issue of trust, power, unity, and value. So what do you need to do be a Money-Smart Couple? There are four things you can do, which I call the 4 Cs:
No. 1: Communicate. Before getting married, see if you’re financially compatible. Talk about what your parents taught you about money through what they said or did, what money means to you, etc. If you’re already married, still have this conversation (do it when you’re both in the right mood, not while you’re fighting!). It’s important that you understand where each is coming from. Then, share your dreams and goals as individuals and as a couple. This way, you can focus on shared priorities. Now, don’t expect things to be smooth sailing from here on. If there’s a problem about money, avoid blaming and judging each other. Rather, communicate regularly and openly and always go back to your shared goals to keep you on track.
No. 2: Control. I don’t mean controlling each other or take over your finances yourself. I mean planning and working together as a couple to put your finances under both your control. This means dividing money tasks based on interest, skills, and strengths. If one is more detail-oriented (usually the wife), let her handle the day-to-day recording, bills payments, and monitoring. If one is more into investing (usually the husband), let him search and compare investment options. If one of you doesn’t have the time or the inclination, let the other spouse take care of the grunt work. However, this doesn’t get the other one off the hook. He or she should always be on the loop, especially when it comes to major financial decisions. If you’re the husband and you’re too busy at work and your wife has more time (and is more money savvy), delegate – but don’t abdicate – responsibility.
No. 3: Commit. Marriage is a commitment to stick to each other for richer or poorer. So stick to your financial plan. Share financial decisions together. Merge your finances and have joint accounts because this is the best way to be transparent. It also tells your spouse: my income is our income (and not: part of my income goes to common expenses, the rest is mine alone). Commitment also means enjoying privileges equally and sharing sacrifices equally, regardless of which one makes more money.
No. 4: Compromise. Changing our money attitudes and money personalities is not going to happen overnight. So conflicts are apt to happen. What you need to do is find ways to compromise. A common case: personal spending. You can’t be too strict about it. Show some flexibility. You don’t have to account for every single purchase you make for the rest of your life. Here’s a good compromise: Let each of you have fun money, like a weekly and monthly allowance that you can spend freely with no questions asked and no accounting done. Now, there are cases when compromise will never work, like when one spouse gets into a gambling or shopping addiction that can’t be fixed by both of you. If things don’t improve, it’s time to get professional help.
Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash
