When it comes to money, attitude has more impact than skills on how you handle it. And how do we develop our perspectives and psychology about money? Yes, all throughout life, but a big part of it can be traced back to our childhood.
Think about how you grew up. What did your parents tell you about money? More important, what did they show you about money from how they dealt with earning, spending, saving, borrowing, investing, and giving?
If you are a parent, think about what you are teaching and showing to your kids about money. You may not be conscious of your words and actions but these are going to affect them for the rest of their lives.
So rather than be unaware, be intentional. It is never too early to teach our children about money. As a parent myself of two young daughters, I have to be careful about what I say and what I do. Because they are too young, obviously, teaching them about the stock market is not a priority (that can come when they are a bit older). But they are old enough to understand and develop the right attitudes about money.
There are statements that I and my wife have made to our kids, which we realized are wrong (we have since corrected ourselves!). You may have said these things to your own children. So instead of sharing with you what to say, here are things not to say to your kids about money:
- “That’s too expensive, we can’t afford that!”
Often, this becomes a standard response just to get your children to zip it. Usually, it’s not because you really can’t afford it, but you believe it’s not appropriate for your children. But think about the message you’re sending. If you keep saying that almost every time they ask you to buy something expensive, you’re not teaching them to be good stewards; you’re teaching them scarcity mentality.
Instead, say, “That’s expensive. Although we can afford it, that doesn’t mean you should buy it.” Then explain your reason. If it’s not good for them, say why. If it’s okay for them, but it’s just not the right time, say so. If you want them to wait and help save for it, tell them. Now if it’s really something you can’t afford, and you agree that it’s good for them, then work together to make it happen. Get into a discussion about making tradeoffs and working hard to achieve their goal.
- “Not now, I’m busy.”
When you have children, especially young ones, and you happen to work from home, expect to be interrupted every 15 minutes. And why do you think they interrupt you? Yes, they need attention. But if you just brush them off, it makes them feel your work is more important than them (even if watching their impromptu magic show is not that critical as submitting your urgent report to your boss!).
Now, it is important for them to see and understand that work is important and that they are able to enjoy the comforts of life because your work earns you the money to buys those comforts. In fact, you want your kids to develop a great work ethic. But you have to learn how to deal with your children’s constant interruption. First of all, just give them 15 minutes– play with them, watch their show, praise their artwork. More often than not, they will already be happy with your short but undivided attention and will leave you alone for the rest of the day. Now if you are really busy with urgent matters to attend to, just explain gently and sweetly that you really need to focus on your work but you promise to spend time with them later on. So while you want your kids to appreciate work, they also need to be secure to know that family comes first.
- “Go ahead, buy anything you want.”
Whether it’s guilt for not spending enough time with our kids or we just want to shower them with our love through material things like toys, it’s very tempting whenever you’re in the toy store, bookstore, or supermarket to declare (within hearing distance of everyone in the store) to your children they can buy whatever they want. Sometimes, we say this not out of pride but out of resignation (sigh, go ahead buy whatever).
I admit, sometimes, it’s fun to go on a shopping spree for ourselves and for our kids. It’s quite liberating really if it’s done rarely (we kind of have a huge budget during the annual book fair). But never do this as a rule. It just encourages your kids to pursue shallow materialism and wanton consumerism, which could one day lead to their financial ruin (not to mention yours!). You should teach children, even very young ones, the value of waiting and the importance of making wise choices. Ever heard of the marshmallow test? It just goes to prove that kids who know how to wait (they can practice self-control and delayed gratification) are more likely to make better choices later in life and become more successful.
You will learn a lot more tips in our Family Finance issue. Knowledge and skills are important, but attitudes are even more valuable.
Photo by Sophie Elvis on Unsplash
