Have you ever hidden expenses from your spouse? Or at least, were you ever been tempted to do so?
If you’re reading this with your spouse, you’ll probably deny it to death! But it wouldn’t be surprising if you have done this, even in the distant past. Do you realize this is one way of cheating your spouse? Think of it this way: you’re a team, a single unit. Whatever each of you earns belong to both of you. So if you spend on something and intentionally hid it from your spouse, aren’t you cheating?
Actually, financial infidelity is a big issue. And usually, it’s more than about money.
But first of all, let’s talk about the 5 things we hide from our spouse.
No. 1: Hidden Expenses
In most cases, we hide small expenses here and there, usually things that are not really bad but that our spouse frowns upon. For example, drinking expensive coffee, buying yet another pair of shoes, spending on a pricey lunch, this sort. Maybe you’re on a budget. Maybe your spouse doesn’t get why you’re into it. So you spend without telling and keeping receipts. Or it could be something far worse, like illegal drugs, online porn, an illicit affair or anything you’d be ashamed to admit to your spouse.
No. 2: Hidden Debt
You can also hide debt from your spouse. You may have racked up massive credit card debt from your shopping spree or Internet games that you never told your spouse about. Or you may have borrowed from someone without telling your spouse about it. Or you may have brought home a brand new Ducati bike…payable in five years! Whatever it is, you hid your debt from your spouse because you know he or she will not like it.
No. 3: Hidden Income
Got a raise? A mid-year bonus? Another commission? Why report it to your spouse when you can spend it on yourself? No harm done, especially if you’re already providing well for your family, right? It’s only bad if you withheld income while your kids are starving and your spouse is at her wit’s end on where to get money for the rent, right? Right?
No. 4: Hidden Assets
Say your parents gave you a trust fund, donated a piece of land to you, or placed a significant cash gift to your bank account (which you opened without your spouse’s knowledge), before or after you got married. That’s hiding assets from your spouse.
No. 5: Hidden Investments
Your spouse is a spender. Or your spouse is so afraid of risk that she only wants to put your money in the bank. But you know better. So you invest your money responsibly in, say, mutual funds or stocks. But you don’t tell her. That’s not bad, right? After all, this is for her benefit too.
As you can see, sometimes hiding money from your spouse is very black and white. If hiding expenses, income, etc. means harming your family or breaking the trust of your good-willed spouse, then it’s easy to say financial infidelity is bad.
But sometimes it’s a gray area. If there’s no harm done, then a little frivolous purchase here or there should be okay. Or if your spouse is unreasonable or out-of-control that he or she is not capable of being financially responsible, you might as well take matters into your hands and tuck away income or make investments on your own.
However, there is a better way: financial honesty. Being honest, open, and transparent beat hiding, lying, and cheating any time.
That goes back to working as a team and merging your finances as one. If you work on your family budget together and give each other a reasonable, even generous allowance, you can avoid the urge to hide expenses or get into debt. If you plan on your financial goals and financial strategies together, you can avoid hiding income, assets, and investments from your spouse.
Photo by Sweet Ice Cream Photography on Unsplash
